Chris Croft's Personal Blog

October 29, 2011

My favourite van graffiti

Filed under: Lists, Travel and driving — chriscroft @ 11:17 am

Years ago I was amused to see
“Also available in white”, on a white van

since then there have been many witty variations, and here are my favourites:

“White with a hint of M42”
“Do not clean – seeds planted”
“Plough Me”
“Test dirt. Do not wash”
“Anti glare paint”
“I wish my wife was as dirty as this”
… “Oh, she is!” (added to the above)
… “and she’s in this van!” (added to the above)
“I wish my wife was as dirty as this… “then I could write things on her back”
“If my wife was as dirty as this I would be at home”
“Is your mother as dirty as your van?… I already know your wife is”
“It’s this dirty because I washed it with your wife’s knickers”
“Small penis available – see driver”
“If you think this van is dirty, you should try having sex with the driver”
“Dirty? You should see my arse”
“Why clean me, why even keep me, why even look at me, why not SCRAP me?”
“If you’ve read this notice then by the time you read it, you’ll have already read it”
“If you can read this you are a c*nt”
“What are the pink bits in my tyres? Cyclists & Joggers”
“This van’s got a widget”
“No hand signals. Driver on Viagra”
“If you can’t see my mirrors, I’m doing my hair”
“Quiet, refugees sleeping”
“Help! Been kidnapped, call police”
“How’s my speeding?”
“Wisely Driven? If so call police – vehicle stolen”
“For sale: mop and bucket never used”
“Cleaned by Stevie Wonder, checked by David Blunkett”
“A dog is for life, not just Saturday night”
“Big baby on board”

“Please pass quietly – driver asleep”
“Oh shit, now I need to wash my finger”

Specialist graffiti
“No jobbie too big”, sewage lorry
“Every do you do is driven by us”, cesspit collection tanker
“Did you ever wish you hadn’t started something?”, on the dirty half of a half-washed van
“We watch your wife while she showers”, window fitter’s van
“I love getting felt”, roofing contractor’s van
“Caution: Pigs in Transit”, Police van

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