Thoughts about lawn mowing

Three things I want to say about this:

First – it goes against my No Crap Policy (NCP) but then again, there is my “Make Wife Happy” policy to consider as well.  There is a theory called the total utility of happiness which says that you should do whatever maximises the happiness of the whole system.  So if it makes me only a little unhappy to have to mow the lawn, but makes her very happy, then I should do it. Otherwise I would be being selfish. (Conversely things which I really hate and which only make her a little happier should not be done – otherwise SHE would be being selfish).

Second – mowing the lawn may be urgent (getting long, almost too long to mow, and rain coming soon) but it’s not important (spending time mowing isn’t one of my life goals).  The fact that it HAS to be done doesn’t make it important.  So because it’s not important my objective is to spend the minimum time on it.  An example of something that is the reverse, i.e. important but not urgent, is phoning my mum for a chat.  Let’s suppose I usually spend 45 minutes on the lawn and 10 minutes on my phone chat with my mum, this is not ideal as the less important thing, the lawn, is getting more time.  But that’s unavoidable as it HAS to be be done and is a longish job.  But if I could reduce it to only 35 minutes by efficient methods (or reduced quality) then I could have 20 minutes with my mum, and that’s the essence of time management: identify what’s really important rather than just the junk that has to be done, and maximise the time you spend on the important things. So it’s not about absolute time spent, it’s about squeezing the less important things in order to maximise the more important ones.

Third – I should get the most happiness from everything, even the unimportant things, perhaps by making them fun.  I could listen to my favourite music through loud headphones as I dance my way around the lawn, or use my (usually bad) personality drivers to advantage – use the Be Perfect driver to enjoy doing a really nice job, and use the Hurry Up driver to try finding the most efficient mowing pattern so there is minimal double cutting and easy turns at the end (e.g do rows 1 and 4, 2 then 5, 3 then 6, because doing 123456 means turns that are too sharp…etc!).

… and that’s what I’m thinking about today!

CC

 

PS – Lawn mowing fits perfectly with my 5 options for unimportant tasks:

1 – say no to it (rejected in this case for reasons given above)

2 – negotiate (maybe get something back for it or avoid something else instead?)

3 – delegate it (pay kids or a gardener)

4 – more efficient systems (e.g. good mower, good mowing pattern)

5 – do it less well (less often, less carefully)

Hmm, maybe I need to add “Make it fun” as a sixth option….

 

“If I could just pre-authorise your credit card sir?”

….“It’s just a swipe of the card, we’re not going to charge anything to it, but it’s more convenient if you want to add any extras to your bill”

 

There seems to be an increasing trend towards taking a swipe of my card when I check in to hotels, even though I’m not buying anything.  Maybe I’ve already paid for the hotel in full in advance, or maybe I’m going to pay for everything when I leave – either way, why do they need my card?

And if you say “It’s OK thanks, I’m not planning to buy any extras (meals, mini-bar) they start to insist on the pre-authorisation.

My fear is that they’ll accidentally charge me for the hotel room twice, or put all sorts of things on it.  So I really don’t like giving my card in for “unknown expenditure” at the start.  Not to mention the time it takes when I just want to check in and go to bed.

So – why are they doing this?

Is it in case I do a runner?  Or damage my room in some way? Seems unlikely – they already know my address etc, and anyway, they claim that they can’t take any money on the card without me signing for it again – in which case, what’s the point?

Does anyone know whether than CAN actually take money from the card without me coming back to sign a second time?

I do agree that it might make charging for extras easier, but then why don’t I just sign receipts with a pen as I go along, like most hotels, and then pay my bill at the end?  Especially if I’ve got to come back and do the card a second time anyway, it hasn’t saved me any time at all.

Thoughts anyone?

The Management Potato applied to the band

I know you like stories about management ideas applied to real life, here’s one:

You may remember the idea of the Management Potato, where if you criticise people their ‘Potato of Performance’ just gets smaller until it becomes a prune, but if you build them up you can get a pumpkin…

Well, even if you know about the theory, it still happens, and I can feel it happening to me in the band – and there’s not much I can do about it.

It started when I made some posters for us to give to pubs, and our guitarist and band leader, who is a very talented artist but too busy to make any posters, said “Oh well, I suppose they’ll do until we get some proper ones”. So I don’t think I’ll bother with making a version 2…
Next I got us a gig at a pub that turned out to be less than brilliant, and the comment was (translated for spam filter suitability) “This is a rubbish gig you’ve got us Chris!” It took several visits and a few phone calls to get that gig, they’re always a pain to get, and so I think I’ll not bother with getting gigs any more.
Our previous bass player used to bring song ideas along, but they were nearly always rejected out of hand by the leader, and although I think I’ve got some really good ones I don’t think I’ll risk it.
I had been planning to get a back-drop printed, and I’ve got a good idea for a design, but I know what he’ll say, so I think I don’t do it.

So basically I don’t really do anything now, apart from the minimum, which is to turn up and play. Don’t get me wrong, I love the music, and the band is great, but it needs people to do more than play, and that’s just not happening any more. I guess everyone else feels the same as I do!

Conclusion:

a) Am I too sensitive? Should I persevere for the good of the band? Maybe, but it wears you down after a while (the above were shortened for clarity, it’s been a long relentless process), so however tough you are your potato gets diminished eventually. Mine has taken about 5 years to reach a prune…

b) What should the leader have done, given that maybe my posters weren’t very professional and the gig I got was a bad one? The answer is to think “Posters – At least he’s done this much, which is more than anyone else, and much better than nothing” and say “Brilliant, thanks Chris!”. Gig – “Don’t worry about the gig not working out, there’s no way to tell until you get there on the night, and your next one will probably be a great one”. And yes, he should have agreed to play one of the bass player’s songs, even if it wasn’t our best number. I expect John Lennon’s first song wasn’t as good as Imagine!

c) Parallels with work – anyone who suggests ideas or does work beyond the minimum needs to be noticed and encouraged, however small their efforts appear and however tough and experienced you might think they are. The oak tree has to start as an acorn, at which point it is easily trampled!

Onwards and upwards!

CC

PS – Don’t try and help me solve the band’s problems, I’ll be alright! – the point of this email is to get you to ask yourself if you are nibbling away at someone else’s potato without realising….?

Assertiveness top 20

I’ve been working on a book that has the top 20 things to know about the top 20 management subjects – http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/20-20/16343951?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/1 – I think it might be useful for the busy person who wants to know the basics of the various areas they need in their job as a manager. And I thought I’d share all twenty with you over the coming months in between other (shorter!) tips. It’s 20 tips really. I know that some people want shorter tips, but then this top 20 could be a series worth collecting. So I hope you like the first one: a crash course on…..Assertiveness.

Assertiveness Top 20

1. A person can change if they want to – most of our behaviour comes from our attitudes and beliefs which have been collected over the years, and which are stored in our subconscious. We can choose to change our behaviour, and we can also (gradually) change our beliefs about the world and about ourselves.

2. Assertiveness is difficult because it goes against our natural instincts for fight or flight. We have to learn to make a conscious effort to overcome the adrenaline in our bodies and remain calm.

3. A good step towards being assertive is to realise that the perceived benefits of being aggressive or submissive are in fact incorrect. Aggressive people think that they will be respected and will get their way – not true in the long run. Submissive people think that they will be liked and will have an easy life – also not true.

4. Assertiveness requires a starting belief that you are OK – which you are! Your self worth should come from you, not from what other people think. Think you yourself “No-one else can push me into the not-OK box”.

5. Assertiveness means standing up for your rights, but also respecting the rights of others.

6. Persist if necessary. You have the right to be heard. You’re not being rude, they are.

7. You have a right to say how you feel. And you don’t have to justify how you feel.

8. Take responsibility for how you feel, what you do, and what happens to you. “We teach others how to treat us”. Lack of taking responsibility is at the root of all negative emotions.

9. Take responsibility for mistakes. It’s OK to make them (the only way to never make a mistake is to never do anything, and making a mistake doesn’t make you a bad person) but you must learn from them. Then let them go – they are in the past.

10. Your behaviour is controlled by your subconscious beliefs, or “scripts”. You can change your scripts by what you say to yourself – keep it positive. Saying positive things about yourself repeatedly will gradually convince your subconscious that they are the case – anything you say regularly will become true.

11. You can change your behaviour, but only if you are aware of it. Practise detachment – observe yourself in situations: how did you do?

12. The other side of detachment is that other people are responsible for their own actions. Don’t blame yourself for the actions that others have chosen to take.

13. Remain calm in situations where the other person is being aggressive. It’s their problem not yours, so remember your rights, and take time to plan. Don’t get aggressive back!

14. Aggression can be behaviour other than physically attacking someone – it can be verbal intimidation, interrupting, invading someone’s space, patronising, etc. If someone is using emotive words to attack you, pick them up on the words: “I agree that it was a mistake but I wouldn’t say it was ‘stupid’.”

15. Pick them up on aggressive body language using the format “I notice that you are doing xxx and I interpret this to mean yyy, am I right?” This will force them to put up or shut up.

16. When criticised, consider whether they may be right. If they are: learn from it and thank them. If they are not, you can choose between letting it go or challenging them – both are OK. If you unsure about what they are unhappy with, or if you are unsure whether they are right about it, ask them for more information.

17. Giving criticism is not usually effective because asking someone to change their personality is not feasible, and it’s even worse if you don’t say what you want instead. However, asking someone to change their behaviour CAN be effective.

18. Look out for Games Players, who move between Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim (for example I’m Only Trying To Help You, Yes But, It’s Alright For You, You shouldn’t let him get away with that, etc) and then either refuse to play, be assertive about their behaviour (“I don’t like it when you…”) or expose the game (“Have you noticed how you….?”).

19. Use the 4-step process to make your point: I understand, I feel, I want, Is that OK?

20. Wish you’d said something at the time? Don’t worry – it’s never too late to go back & be assertive. Plan it and then do it.

More top 20s to follow soon!

CC

There’s no such thing as luck

There’s no such thing as luck – only chance and how you deal with it

Have you noticed how some people always seem to be unlucky (why does it always seem to happen to them?), while others just ARE lucky? How do they do it?

There are several views on this

One is that we get random amounts of good and bad luck. Leaving aside large tragic or life-changing events (and in fact the research shows that even people who win the lottery return to their previous level of happiness within a year, and people who lose a limb also return to their previous level of happiness after several years – which is pretty amazing) most of use get dealt lots of small cards by life every day, and some good and some are bad. Do we focus on the good or the bad? Are we knocked sideways by the bad ones and then we don’t notice or take the good opportunities? Again, the answer is to say in your head “OK, I’ll learn from that and be stronger for next time”. Difficult, but worth doing.

Another view is that you get what you think about, so if you expect things to go badly they are more likely to. Certainly when you meet a new person they pick up on your body language, negative or positive, instantly. So you should always make an effort to expect things to go well. In fact your life scripts will be strengthened by each occasion that they come true, so once you are in a good “Things always work out for me” or a bad “I’m always unlucky” circle it will tend to self perpetuate. Breaking out can be difficult, and has to be done by positive self talk (“fake it till you make it”) but if you can do this it will change your life.

Now I know that there are people who, perhaps by chance, have been dealt lots of bad cards in a row, through no fault of yours. But the question then is, what are you going to do about it? Can you still take some control of your future and make it better than the recent past. I hope so!

Hmm – do I really believe this? Well, sort of.

There is luck in which cards we get dealt, but it’s up to us how we respond. Do we only notice the bad ones? Do we let the bad ones knock us sideways, while failing to take up the opportunities offered by the good ones?

Then there’s the fact that we influence the cards we get. Most situations involving other people are affected by our behaviour. And there’s the weird but possible effect that what we focus on is more likely to happen. Our fears which we brood upon, and our goals that we focus upon, are more likely to happen. I don’t know how it works but I have found this to be true many times.

Of course there are people who are dealt one really big bad card (death of relatives, disablement, etc) and it’s clearly not their fault, but this is rare. For the vast majority of people there is a mix of good and bad cards, and it’s how you respond the them. By the way, some people react to even the huge bad events by fighting back. Many successful entrepreneurs started out with nothing or have had traumatic events earlier in their lives, and it seems to actually be the source of their strength. Don’t ever try to tell them they’re lucky!

People who have large luck events in their life tend to return to type quite fast. A happiness survey that I say had found that people who win the lottery are back at their previous level of happiness within a year, and, perhaps more surprisingly, people who lose a limb also return to their previous level of happiness within a year. So perhaps even the rare and large luck events don’t have as much effect as we might think.

The famous golfer Gary Player told people that the more he practised the luckier he got.
While not in that league, it annoys me when people say I’m lucky to be able to play the sax and to be in a band. It’s not luck! I’ve been learning it for 35 years, and the band has been practising for ten! Working out a new song, finding another bass player, getting every gig, it all takes work, and it’s not luck.

But what about David Beckham, Johnny Wilkinson, etc, aren’t they lucky to have been born with such talent? Well, sort of, but a) there are others with the talent who haven’t used it, and b) these people turn the talent into skill by A LOT of practising – endless kicking of balls since they were kids.

And going back to me and my sax, I don’t have much talent at all but I can get to 80% of a talented person by hard work. I’ll never be world class, but I can be good enough to have fun in a band, and so can anyone who is prepared to do the work.

It’s not about luck, and lack of luck cannot be used as an excuse for laziness. Do the work!

Happy Christmas – but how?

Everyone says it, but many people seem to not achieve it. So I’ve been thinking, and plundering my little happiness book, and here are ten things you can do to have a happier Christmas – I hope they work for you!

1. Reduce stress during the lead-up by having one jobs to do list of everything.

2. Focus on the good things rather than the annoying, both in the future (look forward rather than dread), the present (find things to savour, focus on the tiny pleasures of each day, find a way to enjoy even the chores), and the past (after each day think of three good things to give thanks for. Let the bad things go, they are in the past).

3. Make the most of your relatives – the kids are what make Christmas magical and the old ones may not be around many more years, so make the most of the time you have, maybe ask them about their lives, maybe they have incredible stories to tell

4. Get outside in the fresh air, even if it’s snowing. As the Norwegians say, there’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing!

5. Get some exercise – it releases stress, makes you sleep better, and gives you a feeling of achievement.

6. Make someone else happy – is there a lonely person in your street, or someone you can help with something? You’ll reap what you sow, one way or another.

7. Do one or two unpleasant things that you have been putting off. Use some of the time to do something like clear out the shed, so you get a feeling of achievement rather than a feeling of having wasted the time.

8. De-clutter: can you throw away more stuff than you are going to receive for Christmas? This would give you a feeling of achievement and avoid that feeling of one’s house gradually filling up…

9. Make a list of things that you like doing but haven’t had time to do during the year but will do during the break, and maybe even schedule them into your diary. For example, I’m going to restart meditation for 20 minutes a day, investigate and learn about Goldmine, finish off my job to do iPhone app, (it’s nearly ready!), work on my perpetual calendar idea (yes, that IS my idea of fun!), maybe try Tai-Chi, and write/record some songs on my 8-track Tascam. Your list may well be different!

10. Take stock – rather than think of a couple of short term resolutions for the new year like “Watch less TV” have a proper think about what was good in 2010 that you’d like to continue or do more of, what was less good that you want to change in 2011, and what new things would you like to start doing.

So – have a good one!

onwards and upwards

CC

The perceived pay-offs of negative emotions

A while ago went to a really interesting talk on happiness, given by Shane Mulhall of The School of Economic Science.

The main thrust was that we cover up our problems with things like drinking, shopping, comparing and competing, striving for power and control, belittling others, etc, and that rather than cover up our problems we should confront them and remove them.

So the first step is to stop covering up – stop things like the above (which fall into physical pursuits and mental strategies, both of which lead nowhere because they can never be satisfied, and even if you could satisfy them you’d then only be bored!) and think about what it is that really makes you unhappy, deep down. Maybe it’s feeling inferior, maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s not knowing where you’re going, maybe it’s the person you live with, whatever it might be.

The next thing they said was that you can’t force there to be more happiness, you have to remove the unhappiness, like removing storm clouds and letting the sun through. The happiness is there all the time, it’s just covered up by unhappiness, which doesn’t have to be there all the time. Interesting!

So, once you’ve identified what’s making you unhappy, you have to let it go. Apparently we hold on to things that make us unhappy because we think there is some happiness to be gained from them (and in the short term there might be). Once you realise that it’s only going to bring you pain it’s much easier to get rid of something.

For example, think of grieving over a pet that has died. What happiness does this bring us? Why do we do it? Assuming we do choose to do it, which is of course a big question! But according to Shane Mulhall we do choose it, because we get some sort of pay off, maybe to show ourselves that we did really love the pet? Maybe also the consolation we get from others? But once we realise that these are unconstructive and that it’s pretty much a negative emotion we can maybe reduce it or remove it completely. By the way I’m not trying to belittle bereavement of people or pets in any way, but this might help a person to cope with it without it affecting their lives too adversely.

It would have been easier to take negative emotions like worry, regret, anger or jealousy – you can those yourself – but it’s interesting that even something like grief can be examined from the point of view of why we cling on to it when it makes us unhappy.

Linked to this, they said that there is no unhappiness (or fear) in the present, only in the past and the future. There’s looking back with sadness, and there’s fearing the future, but if you can live in the present then you can beat these negative emotions.

These are pretty deep subjects, but I thought you might find them thought provoking and helpful, so there they are. By the way, you can get a CD of the talk I went to for £8 from http://www.practicalphilosophy.ie/lectures.php I think it’s a bargain.

Assertiveness on youtube

If you want to know more about assertiveness you might enjoy my 7 minute youtube clip on assertiveness. It’s a tape I made, with bullet points and pictures added.

At least the slightly creepy initial photo of me is only there for 35 seconds. Feels like longer though!

“I’ll try”

No you won’t!
“I’ll try” means “I have no intention of doing it at all but I’m not assertive enough to say so”.
“I’ll try and get to your party”, “I’ll try and get it done by Friday” – no you won’t!
Either say yes and mean it, or say no and mean it.

I hope that pointing out these two phrases will help you to catch yourself before you say them. Should you point it out when others say them? Up to you! I must say, if someone says “I’ll try” I do always say “That means you won’t do it” which they then deny, and I then push them to give me a yes or a no. Possibly not a route to popularity though?!

Too much like hard work

This is the catch phrase of the Apathy Generation.
“I wouldn’t fancy skiing, too much like hard work”. “I’m not going to learn the saxophone, too much like hard work”. “I’m not going to get fit, too much like hard work”.

The fact is that everything good has a price, and there is always a hump to overcome before you get to the downhill part. Staying the wrong side of the hump leads to boredom and underachievement. And people who talk like this drag other people down with them.

Change your catchphrase to “Worth the work”!